Last Updated on May 11, 2025 by Cindy Benezra

After recurring frustrations, I recognized my life’s need for clearer boundaries. I realized that even the best intentions don’t equate to successful outcomes without the right boundaries. My husband and I both had discussed that this was an area that we could improve on.  Together, we quickly devoured Nedra Glover Tawwab’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace, and began shifting our mindset and implementing new habits around boundaries. As life goes on, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries will be ever-changing as life and relationships change, but we are excited to start this year with this in the forefront of our minds.

If you’re curious about how to set boundaries in relationships and prioritize your well-being without guilt, this guide will walk you through the fundamental lessons from Tawwab’s book, along with actionable advice and some personal insights.

What Are Boundaries, and Why Do They Matter?

At their core, boundaries are the limits we set with ourselves and others to communicate what we can or cannot accept in our lives. These limits protect our mental, emotional, and physical well-being and help us align with our values.

Think of boundaries as a way to create a safety zone around yourself. They strengthen relationships by setting clear expectations while also allowing you the space to prioritize your own needs. While this might sound selfish, it’s actually the opposite! Boundaries are an act of respect—for yourself and for those around you.

For me, identifying the areas of my life that desperately needed boundaries was eye-opening. Saying “yes” to everyone or simply avoiding giving a clear “no” had left me exhausted, while conflicts arose because others didn’t understand my limits. Boundaries helped me take control of areas in my life that I had assumed were out of my ability to change.

Signs You Need Boundaries

Wondering if it’s time to draw the line? Pay attention to these cues—your inner self can often recognize boundary issues before you consciously do:

  • You feel resentment toward certain people or situations.
  • You’re constantly over-committed, leaving no time for what truly matters to you.
  • You feel drained or emotionally exhausted after interactions.
  • You struggle to say “no” out of fear of disappointing others.

If any of these resonate, it’s likely time to reassess. I have recognized feelings of resentment towards others who seemed not to respect my requests. But the truth was, I hadn’t communicated my own limits effectively. That resentment dissipated once I started setting and expressing boundaries that were clear and understood by others.

Practical Steps to Set and Communicate Boundaries

The idea of setting boundaries may sound daunting, especially if you’re used to putting others’ needs before your own. But with clear communication and consistency, you can create healthier dynamics. Here’s how:

1. Identify Your Limits

Spend some time reflecting on what makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or stressed. Consider your energy levels, emotional capacity, and priorities. What would bring you greater peace?

For example, I realized that working late into the night wasn’t sustainable for me, no matter how much I wanted to catch up on the day. My evenings had to become my time to reflect, rest, and prepare for the next day.

2. Start Small

You don’t have to tackle the biggest boundary-related issues first. Start with smaller, manageable boundaries. For instance, instead of agreeing to plans out of feelings of obligation, you could gently say, “I’ll have to pass on this one, but I’d love to catch up another time.”

3. Communicate Clearly

Clear communication is key when setting boundaries in relationships. Instead of overexplaining or apologizing excessively, be direct but kind. Here are some simple scripts from Tawwab’s insights:

  • “I appreciate your input, but I’d like to handle this my way.”
  • “My weekends are for rest, so I won’t be available to take on work tasks.”
  • “I’m not comfortable discussing this topic right now.”

Remember, it’s not about pushing people away—it’s about helping them understand your needs.

4. Expect Pushback

Not everyone will react positively when you express a new boundary, and that’s okay. It’s important to stay calm and consistent. Over time, most people will respect the limits you’ve set, even if it takes a few repetitions.

When I started declining some social events, I received some initial pushback, and I began to second-guess my decision. But sticking to my boundaries showed others and myself that I meant what I said—and it ultimately helped me be more present for the things that matter most to me.

5. Be Consistent

Consistency shows others that your boundaries are firm and non-negotiable. If you allow exceptions frequently, people may begin testing your limits. Remember, enforcing boundaries isn’t about being rigid but maintaining what’s right for you.

6. Practice Self-Compassion

It’s natural to feel guilt when you first start setting boundaries. After all, many of us are conditioned to equate pleasing others with being kind. Remind yourself that taking care of your own needs makes you a better friend, family member, and colleague in the long run. Your well-being matters.

Why Enforcing Boundaries Is Vital

Setting boundaries is one thing; enforcing them is another. Without follow-through, boundaries lose their power. Strategies like calmly reiterating your limits and stepping away from situations that disrespect them can help. And most importantly, don’t feel guilty for prioritizing your well-being.

When I first stood firm on my own boundaries, I discovered how much peace and freedom it brought to my life. My relationships improved because there was no longer resentment simmering beneath the surface. Standing by your boundaries often brings a greater sense of balance and mutual respect.

The Positive Impact of Healthy Boundaries

Maintaining boundaries in relationships can transform every aspect of your life:

  • Improved mental health: Taking control of your environment reduces stress and burnout.
  • Strengthened relationships: Clear expectations foster trust and respect.
  • Enhanced focus and productivity: Fewer distractions mean more energy for what truly matters.

Personally, setting boundaries is leading me to a more fulfilling life. I feel lighter, more in control, and more connected to those I care about.

Start Your Boundary Journey

Boundaries require time, intention, and practice. Take small steps, communicate your needs clearly, and give yourself grace along the way.

Your first step could be as simple as saying, “I’m not available right now; can we talk later?” Each moment of clarity and humility leads you closer to the balanced life you deserve.

Curious to learn more about setting boundaries in relationships? Pick up a copy of Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab, and take a few moments today to reflect on the boundaries that could transform your own life for the better.

You deserve that peace. You always have.


For further reading, here are some of my favorite books on boundaries:

Setboundariesfindpeace

Boundaries
Adultchildrenofemotionallyimmatureparents

*Affiliate Disclosure: I do have affiliate links in this blog post. If you purchase something from my link, I will receive a small commission from the sale.  This comes at no cost to you but is paid by the company.  I do not take becoming an affiliate with any company lightly.  If I am, it’s because I believe in the company and their product. 

*Cindy(CindyTalks) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *