How to Have a Healthy Relationship with Yourself

Last Updated on May 11, 2025 by Cindy Benezra

We often hear how important it is to maintain healthy relationships—with family, friends, or significant others. But how often do we talk about the most important relationship of all—the one we have with ourselves?

Building a healthy relationship with yourself can transform your life. It enables you to approach challenges with confidence, pursue what truly fulfills you, and maintain a sense of inner peace no matter what’s happening around you. But how do you begin nurturing that connection with yourself?

This guide is here to show you how.

What Does It Mean to Have a Healthy Relationship with Yourself?

At its core, a healthy relationship with yourself is about learning to value, respect, and prioritize your own well-being. It’s not about being perfect or having it all figured out—but about showing yourself the kindness, understanding, and patience you deserve.

I didn’t always have a positive relationship with myself. Due to childhood trauma, I struggled early on to love myself. As an adult, self-doubt crept in constantly, making me question every choice I made. When I learned to pause, reflect, and focus on nurturing self-love, things began to change. It wasn’t overnight, but the small steps I took every day helped me grow into someone who genuinely enjoys my own company.

Here are some steps to guide you toward building that same sense of connection with yourself.

1. Practice Self-Love Daily

Self-love is the foundation of a healthy self-relationship. It means recognizing your own worth—no strings attached.

One of the simplest ways I started practicing self-love was through daily affirmations. Long before ever knowing them as affirmations, I’d look in the mirror every morning and repeat phrases like, “I love myself, I love myself, I love you.” Sometimes, I’d pick something I liked about myself or something I did not care about myself to find love and acceptance of myself. In my teen years, I often struggled to accept my body. Mantras that resonated with my mindset would be more along the lines of ‘I love my body and all its curves’ when I was feeling overweight. If I did not care for a particular body part, I’d focus on what I did, like, “I love my teeth, my nails, and my giant eyebrows. I’m whole and beautiful.”

Developing a connection and the truth of the mantra was more challenging than actually saying the mantra daily. How does one find the right thing to say that truly resonates with your belief system?

Plan of Action

Allow five to ten minutes to dig into the root of your belief system. Be honest with your feelings and give yourself permission to explore them.

Surrender

Surrender yourself to the process of feeling vulnerable. It’s okay to sit in those feelings; this is a part of the work.

Thoughts to Words

Use the momentum of your thoughts to start writing. Spend just 3 to 5 minutes jotting down whatever comes to mind.
Examples might include thoughts like, “I’m fat,” “I’m a loser,” “I’m afraid,” “I can’t do it,” or “I don’t like ____.”
Trust your intuition and allow your thoughts to flow without overthinking. Be quick and don’t ruminate on them.

Find the Reality of Your Beliefs

Identify the truth underneath your belief. For example, if your thought is, “I am afraid,” dig deeper—what are you afraid of?
Locate where that fear resides in your body. Does it sit in your stomach? Your chest? Your mind? Trust your gut; it serves as your internal compass. Write it all down.
Think of what advice you would give to someone else experiencing the same feelings. When talking to a friend, we’re often kinder and more straightforward. Write down these words of wisdom as though you’re helping someone you care about.

Example

Starting belief: “I am afraid.”

Truth statement: “I feel like a coward. I don’t want to try something new because it’s embarrassing, and I’m afraid of judgment.”

Formulate Your Mantra

From your truth statement and the steps above, create a mantra that resonates with you. Mantras can be a powerful way to reframe your thoughts and calm your mind. Here are some examples of positive affirmations:

“I allow my body to surrender my fears and anxiety. I am brave and bold.”
“I will not allow myself to surrender to fear.”
“I am confident and positive.”
“Change your mindset, change your fears.”
“I can do anything.”
“Courageously, I throw away judgment and my fears and focus on being brave.”

Self-Check

Does your mantra resonate with the body part where you originally felt your beliefs were held? If yes, you’ve found your mantra!
If not, try revisiting your thoughts or stick with the mantra for now—it might resonate more over time.

Above all, give yourself grace during this reflective process and trust that small steps lead to meaningful change.

You can change and tweak your mantra over and over again. Create new phrases. If your mantra doesn’t jam with you one day, then pivot to another mantra. That’s the beautiful part of free will. You are your own driver.

2. Self-Care Can Look Differently For Everyone

Caring for yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally is essential in building a positive self-relationship. Self-care doesn’t have to mean extravagant spa days (though those are great, too); sometimes, it’s as simple as taking a moment to breathe, reflect, and recharge.

For me, it’s sitting outside with a cup of coffee, calling to check in with a family member or a friend, the leisure time of cooking, and the joy of eating it. Sometimes it’s going out for food and having someone serve me, the luxury of getting my nails done, or hitting golf balls alone. These are activities of joy I can do alon,e and the simplicity of them allows a quiet reset.

3. Learning to Set Boundaries is An Act of Love

Learning to set boundaries is an act of self-love. It can be hard to say no, and it can feel mean to put limits on others. I had to learn this process early on since I wanted limited interaction with my father. I wanted to feel in control of my emotions when being around a toxic person.

It’s more challenging when it comes to family. Setting limits with your children or your spouse can be an ever-evolving process. Unlike a friend or someone we do not know, family often challenges us by questioning our thinking to a greater depth than a friend or an acquaintance would.

I have to say it never gets less awkward to set boundaries, but it’s an important part of appreciating your limits and letting others know where you are. It’s accepting what you can live with and not allowing resentment to build.

It’s not the fault of the other person for asking. It’s ourselves that did not put the boundary up, to begin with. Start with your needs first, and thank yourself for putting your needs first. Being confident in setting boundaries is a fantastic feeling. Always one you will never regret.

Setting personal boundaries is like drawing a protective circle around my peace of mind. It might mean declining an invitation to rest when you’re tired or lovingly letting others know when their actions hurt you. Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re a form of self-respect.

4. Cultivate Self-Awareness Through Reflection

We often move through life on autopilot, rarely pausing to check in with our inner selves. But self-awareness—the ability to truly understand your emotions, patterns, and desires—is key to building a healthy relationship with yourself.

One practice that always keeps me grounded is daily reflection. I set aside just five minutes before bed to ask myself reflective questions like, “What made me feel happiest today?” or “What’s something I can improve tomorrow?” Over time, these simple reflections have brought clarity to my priorities and helped me release what no longer serves me.

5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk

The voice in your head matters. If it’s filled with criticism or doubt, it’s hard to grow or thrive. But if you actively practice replacing negative self-talk with constructive and compassionate thoughts, your inner dialogue can transform your reality.

When I catch myself spiraling into self-doubt, I call it what it is—just a thought, not a truth. Then, I consciously rewrite it. For example, if my mind said, “You’re not good enough,” I counter it with, “You’re learning and improving every day, which is exactly where I want to be.”

A vital piece of letting go of negative self-talk is also releasing your past self. We’ve all made mistakes or have parts of ourselves we’d rather leave behind. Believe me, forgiveness isn’t easy. But letting go of who you used to be opens space for who you’re becoming.

6. Pursue What Brings You Joy

When was the last time you did something purely for the joy of it? A healthy self-relationship thrives on moments of personal happiness.

Whether it’s picking up an instrument, gardening, or learning a new skill, personal hobbies help you rediscover parts of yourself you might have overlooked. They remind you that life is as much about enjoying the process as achieving outcomes.

7. Seek a Friend or Professional Support When Needed

Lastly, never hesitate to reach out for help when you need it. Developing a healthy relationship with yourself can come with its fair share of challenges, and there’s absolutely no shame in seeking guidance.

When I recently reached out to a therapist to help me process some new issues that arose, I was reminded again that new seasons bring up new conflicts, and being willing to process them is important for continual growth.

Support can also come from friends, mentors, or trusted loved ones. You don’t have to do this alone.

Final Reflections

Building a healthy relationship with yourself is a beautiful and ongoing process. It’s about showing up for yourself every day—even on the hard ones—and learning to enjoy the person you’re becoming.

Start small. Celebrate each step. Remember, the most important relationship you will ever have starts with you.

If this resonates with you, share your thoughts in the comments below. What small steps will you take today to nurture your self-relationship?